After at least 20 ardent followers of this blog asked me about my blog at least 20power20 times (accept a li’l exaggeration here ), I thought I should re start somewhere somehow…

I need to tell you at least a gist of whatever happened last year when I was out of this blogging territory.

The meet with the Guru happened. Then my nephew’s first b’day happened, then my “thalai” Deepavali happened. My in-laws, Prasanna and me had a sumptuous delicious lunch at my parent’s place (according to the tradition).

One thing that moved me too much on Diwali day. Few days before the Diwali, my dad-in-law had told me to get a particular brand of mixture from “Gomathi Shankar’s” shop. I did(thankfully). During the talk, I had casually mentioned to him sometime that I like “Tirunelveli” halwa. On the day of Diwali, when he came to my parent’s place, he gave me this pack of “Thirunelveli” halwa. I was moved. For him to have remembered my smallest desire and made sure he got it for me!

A week after Diwali, both Prasanna and me had decided to move to Chennai for a month and a half – Prasanna for his business and me for my courses and to support Prasanna. The day before the exact date of our travel to Chennai, my dad-in-law, falls sick that he was admitted in the ICCU. He had this problem in his leg, an infection called septicemia. It had spread into his blood stream and the condition became severe, all of a sudden.

The very day, since our train was booked for the night, I decided to have a satsang at home, to pray for him. I am still filled with gratitude at how everyone I called and more just flocked in for the satsang at that very short notice. Nobody was told about my dad-in-law’s condition, but somehow things happened. Thanks to Sejal’s help that day for the dinner preparations, else I had never imagined to cook for 36 people at a shot, in that short notice!

That night we left to Chennai. We were just taking turns to go to the hospital and be there around. The next day late morning, since others had to take a break, I agreed to be at the hospital. For me to be at the hospital, needed a lot of guts and courage as I get very scared just being out there. I was praying, chanting and making calls for a course, when the duty doctor calls me. My heart still beats fast when I think about it. I go into the ICCU, he asks me how I was related to the patient, I tell him, “daughter-in-law”. He wanted to meet a “direct” relation. I was taking deep breaths and telling myself things are alright. He tells me the situation has not improved and tells me that he has put my Dad-in-law on ventilator, to see any improvement. Having no idea on the subject and knowing the term “ventilator” to be something put at critical times, hands shivering, I call up Raja anna, my brother-in-law who is himself a specialist doctor at PSG Hospital, Coimbatore. They both talk for a few minutes and Raja anna tells me that it’s the best possible step to be taken at that moment. The duty doctor then asks me to meet my dad-in-law, before they put him onto ventilator. Having no clue about the severity, gathering courage to meet him and remembering not to break down in front of him, I meet him, call him appa…, he looks at me trying hard to breathe, and with all sorts of tubes and wires connected all over him, I tell him everything is gonna be alright, he had nothing to worry, I have been praying for his recovery and all of us are there for him. He looks at me, says “han…seri ma, seri ma”. Whenever I think of it, I have tears in my eyes… then, I made calls to my in-laws and Prasanna, telling them what happened and asking him to come immediately. Prasanna came immediately. And within an hour, the same doc, asks us to call our family. Means? I did not understand… why??? whats happening? With tears, I went in, sat next to his bed, did not want to hear anything from anybody. All that I remembered is to chant Om NamahShivaya, and pray to Saibaba, all the Gods, Goddesses, and chant Guru pooja. I did all that. And within minutes they tell me, he has left his body. Those words that he had spoken to me, were his last words…

The reality was too hard to accept. The whole night, I did not know what to do. 2 months after the wedding and a just a week after the Diwali celebrations, why should this happen? My other relatives and aunty friends started telling me “please take care of the family”, “now you should take care of the family”, “sis-in-law is your responsibility, you need to take care of her marriage”, – with all respects to the aunties and relatives, yes I do understand, I have to take care and I have the responsibilities, but telling me this again and again only increased the sorrow and pain I was going through.

Just a week before when we were in Chennai, he had called me to sit with him and told me the family’s finances and what is there where. He told me that since I am a part of the family(tears), now I need to know about it. I listened to the whole thing, having the least idea that just 2 weeks later, I would have had to know it all. He was so meticulous in maintaining the documents of his, mother-in-law’s, sis-in-law’s and Prasanna’s, so neatly kept and arranged in different files, that it was just too easy for us to locate any file for any small reference after he left. A man of “perfection”.

Prasanna had told me about him. About how systematic he was in whatever he did. About how he is so full of love and so kind at heart, but hardly showed it out.

With him, on the day of the wedding

I still did not understand how and why he could leave us soo fast and so early. After the 13-day rituals, we went to the ashram. Bawa had told us to meet Guruji and tell Him. We went, met Guruji and Prasanna told Him. Guruji looked at us, closed his eyes for a moment and held his palm to his heart, nodded and, it just felt like, “he is taken care of…”.

With all love, gratitude and respect – to my dear dad-in-law.

Have typed in some close to 10 drafts, but all remain unpublished!

Lot of incidents happening, lotssa learnings, lot moooorrree experiences… Lot of topics to type in about. Just that all the above are coming up at the same time!

I know it’s said that take one thing at a time to completion… Think in a lil’ while it should happen!

Prayers and blessings needed!-
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Has this been heard??!!!

Look at this!

Ohhhhh Guruji!!!

Yes… now I can share the rest…

Got twice married : August 27th 2010 and October 22nd 2010 – Well, from now, for my wedding anniversaries in coming years, if you forget one date, you can wish me on the next.

I am completely happy and thrilled about both the days! Each one have different Guru moments and stories.

Getting married is an experience!!! That too when the ‘mangalsutra’ / ‘taali’ was about to get tied, just as it was tied and a few minutes later, it is an unexplainable moment! The whole day felt soo different and blessed! Have no idea how many people blessed us and from how many dimensions! All that I can remember is I felt a shower of blessingsssssss, felt so much power and I have no idea how to put it in words… I heard the same from Prasanna too! You need to get married to know what I mean here I think, better even to get married at Mahalakshmi mantap @ ashram.

The dream wedding, with the people I dreamed of (well, except those who gave the reason of staying overseas or gotten pregnant.. are you all reading this – missed you all ), with the dream photos toooo, actually happened!!! If I look at it now, it feels like it was more than what I had dreamed of!!!

The moment!

A day before the wedding was lil’ tough with lot of mixed feelings and emotions, I had and I have no idea of what I went through though! It still feels weird. Thanks to my sis, Akshu, Preeti and Gayathri… now I really understand the importance of “மணப்பெண் தோழிகள் – manappen thozhigal” (meaning – ‘bride’s ‘girl’friends’) to stay beside the bride in her wedding!

Wedding at ashram also meant that it was a YES!+ event – Suman, Vinod, Gokul, and few others running around to do the ‘event management’ stuff and manage the last minute chaos!

The icing on the cake was Bau and Dinesh bhaiya coming in — oohhhh! They looked like angels who have jus’ arrived on planet Earth!!!

Bauuu and Dinesh bhaiya!

Well, I was lil’ upset that Guruji was not there physically at the ashram during the wedding, something I could not share with anyone then… But, now, He could not have been more nicer to me and get ‘patched’ up with me in any better way! A month and a half later, we met Him with our family – oooouuuuu it was a worthy wait! What a day it was! Have no words to thank Him!!! HEEEE giving us the garlands to exchange… I melted the moment He gave me THATTTTT LOOK ! What a look that was!!!?!?!? Want this impression to last and repeat itself पुन: पुन: and again and again!!! The date all this happened was 22nd October 2010, and I felt as if my wedding was complete just then!

Naanum Nokkinen, Avarum Nokkinaar!

Beyond all this, realised that “STATUS : Married” DOES make a good deal of difference for both of us, though we knew each other for years now:-). I am just getting used to that “change”, may be shall post on the most interesting and striking changes in the coming posts – but only after I am myself ready to post on it!

Kannalam Kannalam Dum Dum Dum Kannalam!!!

This is some of what I have heard on Gurupoornima -
A day
to feel completely grateful, to thank for whatever we have received,
to Thank all the Gurus of the past,
to know and feel that we are taken care of,
to be and make others happy,
any Meditation today will reap benefits many fold!
to turn back and see how we have changed and developed in the past year. We assess what lessons we have learned. It’s for reviewing ourselves in knowledge since our mind needs to be reminded again and again.

Enjoy yourself in blissful knowledge today!

From when I can remember, I think I was 3 years when my parents took me to the near-by Shirdi Sai Baba temple in Mylapore. Then, once I remember me just walking early in the morning in the Margazhi month to Baba temple, may be I was 5 or 6 then. I remember it so well as I was really scared – I had never ever imagined to go anywhere alone and this was a km and a half from my house. Once I reached there, I felt a real sense of achievement. When I came back, my parents, my aunt, uncle felt the same and were surprised . I was thrilled!!!

It started then and continued with my peripa(uncle) taking me to the temple everyday. I did not have any reason to go there, but you see, I anyways had nothing much to do after school! In the night, before they shut the temple, there is yummy dry fruit milk prasaad, I sometimes used to go exactly when the temple closes for this! Anything that I wanted in life… smallest to the smallest was taken care. I’ll go to the temple, just had to ask for, or sometimes it had even got done even before I asked for(which I realize now).

Over the next years, I started doing all this as though I was following a discipline, one most important thing in the “discipline” was to do 108 pradakshanams and 9 adi prasakshanams, having no idea why, but just because it felt good or to have my wishes fullfilled and that my family will be taken care off or just to thank for some miracle in my life. Pradakshinams are good – they get engineering papers cleared too!;-) My whole idea of spirituality, religion, devotion, bhakti, love, happiness, sharing my failures, sharing success stories, started, happened and ended in the lovely Baba temple, sometimes in few more temples around. Got a fan club going in the Baba temple too (Can’t resist showing off this ). Did my bit of seva that some guys regularly started coming to the temple and used to wait in different corners of the temple till I finished! Who cares, my pradakshanams kept going! Some times meeting with friends also happened in and outside the temple and long long conversations used to go on till it gets late to reach home(Meechi, you reading this?!)…

Sai Baba with His devotees

Every time I had gone to Shirdi, dunno because of what lifetimes of punyam of my parents or my peripa or mine or whosoever, I got the best of best treatment and darshan – somehow some random person will know my peripa and take us through to the best darshan place and to be nearer to Baba for a long time with least effort; remember, he was not a politician nor a “VIP” category government official. But, see I just happen to be one of the VVIP category for Baba . My peripa’s devotion and commitment to serve Baba was extremely commendable and from Himachal to Kanyakumari at lease one person from almost all Baba temples would know him. And I feel extremely lucky to be the daughter of his sweet brother .

When I was in my 3rd year of engineering, something more happened – Baba introduced me to come to my then new Guru — shhh… reserved for my next post

I thought I did my bit to make my parents happy and then in the process, made them sooo confused and sad. What an irony?! Why?!! Sorry amma / appa .

Well, I meditate everyday, all of you feel happy that you and I are at least this safe. Yes, I do get angry and it’s over. Can you also just forget about it?! But OMG! Looks like people around me are going mad . Can you all please go meditate too?! (a request from the deep of my heart). People, please understand, it’s my first wedding… am a fresher with 0 yrs of experience…

I wonder what had people done in the past when they got married!!!??? How did they even manage?! Is it really really so tough? My pranams and saashtaanga namaskarams to all of you. With tears – (confused – happy or sad?!), with complaints, with misunderstandings, with communication gaps, with all possible complicated FEELINGS, yes, I am going to get married. Have decided, let me go through this. People say “it’s fun, just have fun, it’s your wedding, just chillax, things will be fine…” Man… What the **@#%?! Let me just get off this… Can it just get over faster??!! Feels like am sitting in a 30000ft roller coaster, never ending, giving me shitting fear, just waiting with my eyes closed tight to get out of it fast!

Well, it’s not my problem, but it seems my planets are to be blamed or appreciated… Recently, I had checked my horoscope and the person told and explained me why I’ll not be a good learner from books, and told that I mostly learn through my own experience or from others’ experiences (we’ll get into how astrology works, do I believe in it and all later)… So, you know… I am a person of “learning by listening” or “learning by doing”…

I know these “Amar Chitra Katha”(ACK) books existed, but never bothered to even look at them till sometime back. Recently, I wanted to take a gift for a Upanayanam function, the boy was 12 years, and I was thinking hard what to gift him… When Suman and Prasanna suggested these ACK books… Initially, I had a thought will he be too intelligent for these books? But, these 2 convinced me to get it for the boy… Later that week, I picked up some copies, just to check how they are, and wow, to my amazement I completed all of them in less than a day (it IS of course a BIG record for me)!!! And definitely these books are not only for children, the knowledge in these is so profound… They so nicely convey our epics and what actually happened in our history, I was amazed! Many stories from Ramayana, Mahabharata, about our freedom fighters, which I had not known was put up in so simple pictures and words. Got to know many things I did not know about Rama’s and Krishna’s dynasty, and I had a big confusion on how Krishna was related to the Pandavas, Bheeshma, Vyasa, now it seems pretty clear… Will be sharing it in the coming posts too… Wait and Check it!!!

Now am also in my ACK security spree, as I got soooo deeply interested reading it, I take few books where ever I go, whenever possible read few pages, and I find many, who just want to grab and possess it, they say they’ll read it and give it back… but, whatever… Go pick up one for yourself, it’s really worth buying and reading it

Few days later, I was watching Vijay TV’s “Nadandadu enna” (I usually believe the info given by this program), I ended up wonder struck(hmm not exactly… actually I was shocked for few moments) and I could not control my laugh for the heights of nonsense made up! These Vijay TV guys had taken some random videos in the ashram and one of the lines quoted by the anchor was “devotees were concerned and anxiously waited for their Guru’s protection”, when no one was even bothered about the incident and just were sitting on the grass and relaxing! The way the commentator modulated his voice and the background music added to the videos shot at the Art of Living international center, a few days after that day almost got a masala story going! Where there was hardly any security, they kept telling the ashram is under “tight” security, with which people outside Bangalore could have assumed a filmy circle of police around the ashram. Daily there were a minimum of 4000 people coming in and going from the ashram, and who has the time to check them man??!!

Hmmm, many know about this aspect of media, but some others still innocently(ignorantly) ended up asking questions and commented about it in various means, when they absolutely had no idea of what had happened! Well, in Art of Living, one of the main things taught to us is “acceptance”, and Guruji is an embodiment of it…

Whenever someone talks irrelevant stuff about Art of Living and Guruji, it just reminds me of one Tamil quote I was taught in my childhood – “மலைய பாத்து நாய் கொலைச்சுதாம்”, literally means, “dog kept shouting looking at a mountain” .

I think 30 years of selfless service has not attracted the eye of our media as much as a bullet. Ironically, the victim had to justify why the bullet was found close to him!

A Swami is expected to remain silent irrespective of the seriousness of offence against him whereas strong voices of support are heard for terrorists and anti-social elements. Corrupt officials are not condemned and the society’s silence implies it is fine with them.

‘Swami’, a title much revered in India in the past only raises eyebrows in suspicion now. Swamis and Sadhus were respected for dedicating and sacrificing their lives for society and now they are being condemned. This shows the unfortunate deterioration of the Indian culture. Is it not a systematic psychological warfare against Swamis?

We also see a section of the media in our country jumping to hasty conclusions especially in matters concerning swamis and spirituality.

‘You have the right to remain silent…’ is usually a warning given to a suspected criminal under arrest. However, paradoxically if you are a Swami or a Guru, you are advised to remain silent even if you are a victim. In spite of being a victim, you are perceived to have done something wrong. The overwhelming undercurrent of prejudice against Hindu swamis and Gurus cannot be underlined enough.

How strange that a culprit can walk away, but the victim is doubted, questioned, harassed and expected to prove his innocence! The Indian Constitution holds that you are innocent until proven guilty, but a swami is necessarily guilty until proven innocent.

This has been the way of the world, which has always demanded from the living legends to prove their innocence. Be it Kabir or Jesus or even Mahatma Gandhi who was called a fraud a number of times. The degradation of society is measured by its attitude towards its spiritual leaders. Is it not Kaliyuga where the onus is on the victim to prove that he is not guilty?

Usually a victim is encouraged to speak up. But if you are a swami, you are counseled to forever hold your peace, even if you are surrounded by white lies.

The other thing is that it does not pay off in the worldly sense to keep calm and live in knowledge because the gap between the real world and a meditator’s world is far too much. A layman may not understand the world of yogis, where they remain poised, calm and there is not an iota of worry or concern in their expression, even in extenuating circumstances. This is baffling to the common man or in this case of gun shot the investigating cops.

Recently, I was at a function in Vigyan Bhavan in Delhi, where I observed the sheer reluctance of people in interacting with a Swami in saffron robes sitting in the front row of the audience. This was immediately after the scandals of some so-called swamis had hit the headlines in the media. Nobody wanted to look at him, let alone talk to him, as if he were an untouchable. It was appalling to see the prejudice against Hindu swamis. In a way it was beneficial to the swami because he need not care what the world thinks of him, but for an onlooker it looked odd how people were overtly prejudiced.

In Bollywood, in the last 15 to 20 years, since Dawood Ibrahim ostensibly started funding the film industry, a man with a tilak or in saffron robes has been systematically depicted as a villain or part of villain’s team. This portrayal has only added a mass prejudice and overwhelming bias against the swamis of India.

The two main allegations against swamis are sex and money. A true swami will never fall prey to fleeting attractions of sensual pleasures. Without adequate investigation, this kind of blanket generalization is unfortunate and highly deplorable. Every spiritual organization is supposed to do charity and one cannot do charity with an empty bowl. There is no point in taking charity and doing charity. Earning money is not a crime but doing so in a wrong way definitely is.

The idea that all spiritual education should be free, or the notion that spiritual training was free in ancient India is a fallacy. Spirituality is also an education and all education needs to be paid for. Those who know their history know that people in Vedic times had to “invest” far more to get a spiritual education than we do today!
The concept of ”Dakshina” is from the ancient Vedic times.

The vow of poverty is a concept alien to our land. Here, the primordial Guru, Lord Narayana is wedded to Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth. Material progress goes hand in hand with spiritual growth. There are some pseudo intellectuals and historians who argue that only Ramana Maharishi and Mahatma Gandhi were genuine. They praise only the dead and abuse the living. One historian while condemning the appearance of spiritual masters in media went to the extent of saying that Sri Aurobindo never appeared on television, forgetting that there was no television at that time in the first place! Going by the fact that Sri Aurobindo had used the print media so well, I am sure he would have done the same with television had it existed then.

Another much-misplaced conception is that a true spiritual person should remain poor and that Gandhi never associated with the rich. They conveniently forget that Mahatma Gandhi has lived and died in Birla House, one of the most affluent people of that time.

Of course, every field will have people who are not genuine. However, that doesn’t warrant every one being painted with the same brush. It is as foolish as saying that because you unearthed a quack one day, we should shun all doctors.

It was Pandit Nehru who said in the assembly debates, “If I was asked what is the greatest treasure which India possesses and what is her finest heritage, I would answer unhesitatingly—it is the Sanskrit language and literature, and all that it contains. This is a magnificent inheritance, and so long as this endures and influences the life of our people, so long the basic genius of India will continue”.

It was Babasaheb Ambedkar who had proposed Sanskrit as the first language of India and who had great reverence for sadhus of this country, Kabir being his most favorite. It was Mahatma Gandhi who would read the Bhagawat Gita every day and meditate and do satsang with people from all religions.

The father of our nation is a saint. The architect of the Indian constitution, our first Prime Minister and countless others have sung praises of the spiritual knowledge of our saints. Then, I do believe, a sensitive and responsible Indian should take a proactive role in reinstating these values and arrest the prejudice drive against the swamis and saints of this holy land.

(The author is director, international affairs, The Art Of Living)