Why the hell???!
I was mad about getting married, now I have gone mad.
I have no idea why i was so crazy about him, and no idea why I was so sad that my parents did not make any arrangements for my wedding. Now that things have started happening, parents agreed, my wedding date fixed, my wedding hall fixed, I just want to get away from all this. Everyone is sweet, want to see and make each other happy. Am given a choice, then I am left with forced choices of making my MIL/ SIL happy, not that they want to thrust their desires on their DIL / SIL(that’s me), only that they want me to look my best on my(i.e., their DIL / SIL’s) wedding. Same with my parents, they just want their daughter to be and look the ‘good girl’ always :-). Yes, noble thoughts, noble advices, so that WE and everyone around are happy (see the problem?! Is it even possible?!). And, I say to myself – “Listen dear, Be the good girl you are, just be silent :-)”.
I thought I did my bit to make my parents happy and then in the process, made them sooo confused and sad. What an irony?! Why?!! Sorry amma / appa :-(.
Well, I meditate everyday, all of you feel happy that you and I are at least this safe. Yes, I do get angry and it’s over. Can you also just forget about it?! But OMG! Looks like people around me are going mad :-(. Can you all please go meditate too?! (a request from the deep of my heart). People, please understand, it’s my first wedding… am a fresher with 0 yrs of experience…
I wonder what had people done in the past when they got married!!!??? How did they even manage?! Is it really really so tough? My pranams and saashtaanga namaskarams to all of you. With tears – (confused – happy or sad?!), with complaints, with misunderstandings, with communication gaps, with all possible complicated FEELINGS, yes, I am going to get married. Have decided, let me go through this. People say “it’s fun, just have fun, it’s your wedding, just chillax, things will be fine…” Man… What the **@#%?! Let me just get off this… Can it just get over faster??!! Feels like am sitting in a 30000ft roller coaster, never ending, giving me shitting fear, just waiting with my eyes closed tight to get out of it fast!