A Tribute to My Dad-in-law

Last year went past very fast banging me with a lot of events either I had never expected or never experienced or never imagined to experience in the wildest of my dreams. It was a complete(in the sense, everything in this world is “complete”) mix of “mixed” emotions that I hardly understood or that I could even “try” to decipher and understand.

After at least 20 ardent followers of this blog asked me about my blog at least 20power20 times (accept a li’l exaggeration here ;)), I thought I should re start somewhere somehow…

I need to tell you at least a gist of whatever happened last year when I was out of this blogging territory.

The meet with the Guru happened. Then my nephew’s first b’day happened, then my “thalai” Deepavali happened. My in-laws, Prasanna and me had a sumptuous delicious lunch at my parent’s place (according to the tradition).

One thing that moved me too much on Diwali day. Few days before the Diwali, my dad-in-law had told me to get a particular brand of mixture from “Gomathi Shankar’s” shop. I did(thankfully). During the talk, I had casually mentioned to him sometime that I like “Tirunelveli” halwa. On the day of Diwali, when he came to my parent’s place, he gave me this pack of “Thirunelveli” halwa. I was moved. For him to have remembered my smallest desire and made sure he got it for me!

A week after Diwali, both Prasanna and me had decided to move to Chennai for a month and a half – Prasanna for his business and me for my courses and to support Prasanna. The day before the exact date of our travel to Chennai, my dad-in-law, falls sick that he was admitted in the ICCU. He had this problem in his leg, an infection called septicemia. It had spread into his blood stream and the condition became severe, all of a sudden.

The very day, since our train was booked for the night, I decided to have a satsang at home, to pray for him. I am still filled with gratitude at how everyone I called and more just flocked in for the satsang at that very short notice. Nobody was told about my dad-in-law’s condition, but somehow things happened. Thanks to Sejal’s help that day for the dinner preparations, else I had never imagined to cook for 36 people at a shot, in that short notice!

That night we left to Chennai. We were just taking turns to go to the hospital and be there around. The next day late morning, since others had to take a break, I agreed to be at the hospital. For me to be at the hospital, needed a lot of guts and courage as I get very scared just being out there. I was praying, chanting and making calls for a course, when the duty doctor calls me. My heart still beats fast when I think about it. I go into the ICCU, he asks me how I was related to the patient, I tell him, “daughter-in-law”. He wanted to meet a “direct” relation. I was taking deep breaths and telling myself things are alright. He tells me the situation has not improved and tells me that he has put my Dad-in-law on ventilator, to see any improvement. Having no idea on the subject and knowing the term “ventilator” to be something put at critical times, hands shivering, I call up Raja anna, my brother-in-law who is himself a specialist doctor at PSG Hospital, Coimbatore. They both talk for a few minutes and Raja anna tells me that it’s the best possible step to be taken at that moment. The duty doctor then asks me to meet my dad-in-law, before they put him onto ventilator. Having no clue about the severity, gathering courage to meet him and remembering not to break down in front of him, I meet him, call him appa…, he looks at me trying hard to breathe, and with all sorts of tubes and wires connected all over him, I tell him everything is gonna be alright, he had nothing to worry, I have been praying for his recovery and all of us are there for him. He looks at me, says “han…seri ma, seri ma”. Whenever I think of it, I have tears in my eyes… then, I made calls to my in-laws and Prasanna, telling them what happened and asking him to come immediately. Prasanna came immediately. And within an hour, the same doc, asks us to call our family. Means? I did not understand… why??? whats happening? With tears, I went in, sat next to his bed, did not want to hear anything from anybody. All that I remembered is to chant Om NamahShivaya, and pray to Saibaba, all the Gods, Goddesses, and chant Guru pooja. I did all that. And within minutes they tell me, he has left his body. Those words that he had spoken to me, were his last words…

The reality was too hard to accept. The whole night, I did not know what to do. 2 months after the wedding and a just a week after the Diwali celebrations, why should this happen? My other relatives and aunty friends started telling me “please take care of the family”, “now you should take care of the family”, “sis-in-law is your responsibility, you need to take care of her marriage”, – with all respects to the aunties and relatives, yes I do understand, I have to take care and I have the responsibilities, but telling me this again and again only increased the sorrow and pain I was going through.

Just a week before when we were in Chennai, he had called me to sit with him and told me the family’s finances and what is there where. He told me that since I am a part of the family(tears), now I need to know about it. I listened to the whole thing, having the least idea that just 2 weeks later, I would have had to know it all. He was so meticulous in maintaining the documents of his, mother-in-law’s, sis-in-law’s and Prasanna’s, so neatly kept and arranged in different files, that it was just too easy for us to locate any file for any small reference after he left. A man of “perfection”.

Prasanna had told me about him. About how systematic he was in whatever he did. About how he is so full of love and so kind at heart, but hardly showed it out.

With him, on the day of the wedding


But, I found many things in which he showed his love out, in the time that I have spent with him. He would come with us to the saree shopping before the wedding! It would seem too odd, but he would just be around patiently waiting for us to finish selection and pay the bill. Sometimes he also involved himself to support my choice, when others would tell the other way. He also accompanied us to exchange and re-select sarees! He took care that the wedding went on smooth and if I look back, he had taken care of many issues that could have come up, if not for his planning and intervention. He had seen to it that both of us were happy.

I still did not understand how and why he could leave us soo fast and so early. After the 13-day rituals, we went to the ashram. Bawa had told us to meet Guruji and tell Him. We went, met Guruji and Prasanna told Him. Guruji looked at us, closed his eyes for a moment and held his palm to his heart, nodded and, it just felt like, “he is taken care of…”.

With all love, gratitude and respect – to my dear dad-in-law.

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Random New Post!

Well, it’s been a looong time since I ‘published’ one…

Have typed in some close to 10 drafts, but all remain unpublished!

Lot of incidents happening, lotssa learnings, lot moooorrree experiences… Lot of topics to type in about. Just that all the above are coming up at the same time! 😎

I know it’s said that take one thing at a time to completion… Think in a lil’ while it should happen! 🙂

Prayers and blessings needed!-



Has this been heard??!!!

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Status : Married (twice!)

First things first! Something I cannot stop showing off : BLAST of GRACE moment in my life!!!

Look at this!

Ohhhhh Guruji!!!

Yes… now I can share the rest…

Got twice married : August 27th 2010 and October 22nd 2010 – Well, from now, for my wedding anniversaries in coming years, if you forget one date, you can wish me on the next.

I am completely happy and thrilled about both the days! Each one have different Guru moments and stories.

Getting married is an experience!!! 🙂 That too when the ‘mangalsutra’ / ‘taali’ was about to get tied, just as it was tied and a few minutes later, it is an unexplainable moment! The whole day felt soo different and blessed! Have no idea how many people blessed us and from how many dimensions! All that I can remember is I felt a shower of blessingsssssss, felt so much power and I have no idea how to put it in words… I heard the same from Prasanna too! You need to get married to know what I mean here I think, better even to get married at Mahalakshmi mantap @ ashram.

The dream wedding, with the people I dreamed of (well, except those who gave the reason of staying overseas or gotten pregnant.. are you all reading this – missed you all 😦 ), with the dream photos toooo, actually happened!!! If I look at it now, it feels like it was more than what I had dreamed of!!!

The moment!

A day before the wedding was lil’ tough with lot of mixed feelings and emotions, I had and I have no idea of what I went through though! It still feels weird. Thanks to my sis, Akshu, Preeti and Gayathri… now I really understand the importance of “மணப்பெண் தோழிகள் – manappen thozhigal” (meaning – ‘bride’s ‘girl’friends’) to stay beside the bride in her wedding!

Wedding at ashram also meant that it was a YES!+ event – Suman, Vinod, Gokul, and few others running around to do the ‘event management’ stuff and manage the last minute chaos!

The icing on the cake was Bau and Dinesh bhaiya coming in — oohhhh! They looked like angels who have jus’ arrived on planet Earth!!!

Bauuu and Dinesh bhaiya!

Well, I was lil’ upset that Guruji was not there physically at the ashram during the wedding, something I could not share with anyone then… But, now, He could not have been more nicer to me and get ‘patched’ up with me in any better way! A month and a half later, we met Him with our family – oooouuuuu it was a worthy wait! What a day it was! Have no words to thank Him!!! HEEEE giving us the garlands to exchange… I melted the moment He gave me THATTTTT LOOK ! What a look that was!!!?!?!? Want this impression to last and repeat itself पुन: पुन: and again and again!!! 😛 The date all this happened was 22nd October 2010, and I felt as if my wedding was complete just then!

Naanum Nokkinen, Avarum Nokkinaar!

Beyond all this, realised that “STATUS : Married” DOES make a good deal of difference for both of us, though we knew each other for years now:-). I am just getting used to that “change”, may be shall post on the most interesting and striking changes in the coming posts – but only after I am myself ready to post on it!

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YaaY!(OopS??!) Am getting married!

Kannalam Kannalam Dum Dum Dum Kannalam!!!

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Guru Poornima

Today is Gurupoornima… Wish you all a Happy Gurupoornima!!! 🙂

This is some of what I have heard on Gurupoornima –
A day
to feel completely grateful, to thank for whatever we have received,
to Thank all the Gurus of the past,
to know and feel that we are taken care of,
to be and make others happy, 🙂
any Meditation today will reap benefits many fold!
to turn back and see how we have changed and developed in the past year. We assess what lessons we have learned. It’s for reviewing ourselves in knowledge since our mind needs to be reminded again and again.

Enjoy yourself in blissful knowledge today!

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I love my Guru… My love(Guru) story :-)

With Guru poornima this year ‘raising‘ on July 25th, I wanted to type in something about my Guru(s). If I look back, look at now, look on to my future, I cannot see a single day where I had not been blessed by my Guru(s?!). I am not sure how many of you can relate to these posts of mine – As, it’s so much of an experience to even understand or decipher this even to the smallest possible level! It can be a lot of ‘show off’ too for some. Well, it just means that I am feeling extremely lucky and grateful for everything and you are free to feel the same too!!!

From when I can remember, I think I was 3 years when my parents took me to the near-by Shirdi Sai Baba temple in Mylapore. Then, once I remember me just walking early in the morning in the Margazhi month to Baba temple, may be I was 5 or 6 then. I remember it so well as I was really scared – I had never ever imagined to go anywhere alone and this was a km and a half from my house. Once I reached there, I felt a real sense of achievement. When I came back, my parents, my aunt, uncle felt the same and were surprised ;-). I was thrilled!!!

It started then and continued with my peripa(uncle) taking me to the temple everyday. I did not have any reason to go there, but you see, I anyways had nothing much to do after school! In the night, before they shut the temple, there is yummy dry fruit milk prasaad, I sometimes used to go exactly when the temple closes for this! Anything that I wanted in life… smallest to the smallest was taken care. I’ll go to the temple, just had to ask for, or sometimes it had even got done even before I asked for(which I realize now).

Over the next years, I started doing all this as though I was following a discipline, one most important thing in the “discipline” was to do 108 pradakshanams and 9 adi prasakshanams, having no idea why, but just because it felt good or to have my wishes fullfilled and that my family will be taken care off or just to thank for some miracle in my life. Pradakshinams are good – they get engineering papers cleared too!;-) My whole idea of spirituality, religion, devotion, bhakti, love, happiness, sharing my failures, sharing success stories, started, happened and ended in the lovely Baba temple, sometimes in few more temples around. Got a fan club going in the Baba temple too ;-)(Can’t resist showing off this :-P). Did my bit of seva that some guys regularly started coming to the temple and used to wait in different corners of the temple till I finished! Who cares, my pradakshanams kept going! Some times meeting with friends also happened in and outside the temple and long long conversations used to go on till it gets late to reach home(Meechi, you reading this?!)…

Sai Baba with His devotees

My peripa used to tell me the best of stories from the life of Sai Baba, the way He took care of His devotees, the way no one goes unnoticed by Him though He is not living in His Human form, the way He brought people together when He was alive, the way He fulfilled all the wishes of His devotees and took them away from any lil’ misery, how He used to cook for His devotees and part take, that there used to be celebration with music and dance in His place everyday and a lot more of them. I was sooo much in love and bhakti with all His stories and of course with Him, that I broke my boundary of not reading any books – Sri Sai Satcharithra was my first book that I read from 1st to last page, that too in a span of 7 – 9 days!(That is till date an achievement, if you had read my ACK post, you would have known my competency in reading books 🙂 )

Every time I had gone to Shirdi, dunno because of what lifetimes of punyam of my parents or my peripa or mine or whosoever, I got the best of best treatment and darshan – somehow some random person will know my peripa and take us through to the best darshan place and to be nearer to Baba for a long time with least effort; remember, he was not a politician nor a “VIP” category government official. But, see I just happen to be one of the VVIP category for Baba ;-). My peripa’s devotion and commitment to serve Baba was extremely commendable and from Himachal to Kanyakumari at lease one person from almost all Baba temples would know him. And I feel extremely lucky to be the daughter of his sweet brother :-).

When I was in my 3rd year of engineering, something more happened – Baba introduced me to come to my then new Guru — shhh… reserved for my next post 🙂

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Tantrums, Irony of my life, My wedding preparations – How to name this?!!

Why the hell???!
I was mad about getting married, now I have gone mad.
I have no idea why i was so crazy about him, and no idea why I was so sad that my parents did not make any arrangements for my wedding. Now that things have started happening, parents agreed, my wedding date fixed, my wedding hall fixed, I just want to get away from all this. Everyone is sweet, want to see and make each other happy. Am given a choice, then I am left with forced choices of making my MIL/ SIL happy, not that they want to thrust their desires on their DIL / SIL(that’s me), only that they want me to look my best on my(i.e., their DIL / SIL’s) wedding. Same with my parents, they just want their daughter to be and look the ‘good girl’ always :-). Yes, noble thoughts, noble advices, so that WE and everyone around are happy (see the problem?! Is it even possible?!). And, I say to myself – “Listen dear, Be the good girl you are, just be silent :-)”.

I thought I did my bit to make my parents happy and then in the process, made them sooo confused and sad. What an irony?! Why?!! Sorry amma / appa :-(.

Well, I meditate everyday, all of you feel happy that you and I are at least this safe. Yes, I do get angry and it’s over. Can you also just forget about it?! But OMG! Looks like people around me are going mad :-(. Can you all please go meditate too?! (a request from the deep of my heart). People, please understand, it’s my first wedding… am a fresher with 0 yrs of experience…

I wonder what had people done in the past when they got married!!!??? How did they even manage?! Is it really really so tough? My pranams and saashtaanga namaskarams to all of you. With tears – (confused – happy or sad?!), with complaints, with misunderstandings, with communication gaps, with all possible complicated FEELINGS, yes, I am going to get married. Have decided, let me go through this. People say “it’s fun, just have fun, it’s your wedding, just chillax, things will be fine…” Man… What the **@#%?! Let me just get off this… Can it just get over faster??!! Feels like am sitting in a 30000ft roller coaster, never ending, giving me shitting fear, just waiting with my eyes closed tight to get out of it fast!

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